Welcome to Day 18 of the Wellbeing 9-a-Day blog! So far, we have considered each of the habits in the W9AD and learned some of the key principles that will guide our journey to improved health and wellbeing. In today’s blog, we are going to consider the way in which we talk to ourselves and others.
Positive Self-Talk
We all have stories that we tell ourselves that recreate the same patterns in our minds over and over again. We have beliefs, habits, systems, and people that support the stories we are telling ourselves.
The question is… who would you be with a different story?
People develop set points for everything in their lives. For instance, your set point for income could be £9,000. You then behave the way you need to behave, and feel the way you need to feel, to earn that income. Over time, this becomes your brain’s default mode network.
The good news is that you can learn how to reset that set point.
When you start to visualise the next level of success, even if the picture isn’t clear, you start the change in your mind first and then you impress the change from your conscious mind into your subconscious mind. It then causes thoughts, emotions, and behaviours that contribute to improving your wellbeing.
The Power of "Well Done!"
Your self-talk is critical for your wellbeing.
As you continue your journey with The Wellbeing 9-a-Day Journal, try to use language that empowers you, rather than disempowers you. Instead of “I have to…”, change it to “I get to…” Choose to “release” weight rather than to “lose” it – because losing something suggests that you should look for it again.
Pay attention to how you speak to yourself within your mind. Are you kind, motivating and empathetic? Or are you self-deprecating and putting yourself down? When you start to focus on the words that you say, you start to realise that there is often a lot of repetition, which can become problematic when it is negative.
Also think about your tone. Are you speaking kindly to yourself, with compassion and understanding? Or is there a tone of judgement, where you berate yourself or put yourself down?
These are very important to observe, as many people allow consistent types of language and tonality to dictate their lives. This causes them to behave in ways that match the atmosphere within their mind. So, if you speak to yourself kindly, you are likely to do that to others too.
One of my favourite things to say to myself (and to others) is “Well done!” This is a great way to celebrate the little victories we pick up each day. You made the bed? Well done. You ate some of Nature’s Candy? Well done. You connected with someone you care about? Well done!
Even if I have made a mistake, telling myself that I have done well by learning the lesson puts a positive spin on the situation.
I also love congratulating others when they have done something well, or even if they haven’t. It’s amazing to see how people react to a “Well done!” Some people question it, often thinking I am being sarcastic or disingenuous. But I’m not. I genuinely see people doing well, and I believe they should be told about that more.
My friends and I have built a culture of well done that is invaluable in celebrating the positives and offsetting the negatives. People only need a little encouragement in life. By acknowledging when you or others have done well, you spread positivity that contributes to growth and brings light to the darkness. It let’s others know that, through their struggles, their good work and even their pain is being acknowledged.
The best thing about this is… it is really easy to do.
Call to Action!
Give someone a big “Well done!” today and give yourself one too! Letting people know when they have done well is a great way to spread positivity. Letting yourself know helps you recognise that you are doing the best you can, and sometimes that is all you can do! It’s important to identify the victories of others, to get on your own side, and to celebrate the little wins as much as possible.
This blog was written as part of a 90-day blog writing fundraiser for Live Well with Cancer, a volunteer-led charity serving North Tyneside and the surrounding areas. If you enjoyed this blog, please show your appreciation by donating to my JustGiving page. Every penny raised from donations or sales of the journal will help deliver workshops, events and support groups that empower better health and wellbeing for those affected by cancer, including family, friends, carers, and healthcare workers.
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